Starlit night

Shining stars in the darkness #1

One of the reasons we decided to carry Aurelia to term was because we felt there was joy still to be had from this pregnancy, however much sadness there was and is.

So for those considering a similar decision, and to help me remember when things get sad I’ve decided to ensure I regularly blog all the joyous moments we’ve had, which at times feel even brighter because of the surrounding darkness and foreshadowing gloom (just like stars in a bright sky).

  • Visiting Chatsworth– after Aurelia was diagnosed we decided we’d ensure we took her to places we would have done when she was older. One of my favourite places in the world is Chatsworth House in Derbyshire. I grew up very near to the house and it holds so many special memories for me. We spent a day wandering round the gardens and enjoying the early spring sunshine. We also took her to the church we got married in, and in Hampshire the other weekend ensured we drove on the coastal road so she could ‘see the sea’. It’s perhaps soppy and a little morbid but for us it’s creating memories that we’ve ‘shared’ with Aurelia (even if she’s no idea what’s going on!)

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    Us ‘three’ together at Chatswoth

  • Kicks and thumps- she may only have little legs and arms but they’re getting strong for sure! I’ve reveled in being able to feel her wiggling and jiggling about- day and night. When she made my tummy ripple for the first time the other day, I literally jumped up and run/waddled (trying to stay in the same position) up to Gerard to try and see if she’d do it again so he could feel her moving for the first time (the little monkey of course duly didn’t repeat this kick for Daddy!).
  • My clever girl is responding- it doesn’t always work but we’ve noticed she’s responding to touch and sound occasionally. I felt she was playing with me last week as she’d kick, and then stop when I stroked my tummy, and then when I’d stop stroking she’d kick again etc. It was magical. She also apparently likes the sound of the barking of the puppy we’re planning to get (more on that soon).
  • Bump strokes- this one may be controversial, and not for all, but I’ve loved the past few days when people (that I know well) have asked to touch my bump, usually to say hello/goodbye/send their love to baby. It makes my heart leap other people want to recognise her, include her and, in a sense, know her.
  • Gerard’s birthday
  • All that’s golden- perhaps I’m over sentimental but I’ve gained a new appreciation for the golden glow of late evening sunshine and the light of a candle. Both are so beautiful, warm and inviting and they immediately set my mind to thinking about Aurelia (which means golden).
  • Time together- Gerard and I have always loved spending time together but for me there’s a new depth to just being beside each other, sharing life, talking about and to Aurelia together.12985529_10101501272260519_3508855339450566803_n
  • Belly laughs- funnily enough I think I’ve laughed harder at points during the last couple of weeks than I have done for a while. With all the heaviness around us, silly little things seem all the more funny and it’s felt so good to laugh till my bump jiggles (indeed after one particular laughing fit when Aurelia had been still for some time, she gave me a short sharp kick to let me know I’d woken her up. I felt a little guilty but also joy that she’s known laughter and happiness in some sense).

Ta ta for now!



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